


Almost lover.

by Rogue1987



Category: The A-Team (2010), The A-Team (TV), The A-Team - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Denial of Feelings, Flashbacks, Kissing, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Sad with a Happy Ending, Secret Relationship, Team as Family, Vietnam War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:47:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25084120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rogue1987/pseuds/Rogue1987
Summary: BA and Murdock are connected, somehow. Whether BA likes it or not.He just can't seem to get the crazy fool out of his life, or his mind for that matter.
Relationships: B. A. Baracus/H. M. "Howling Mad" Murdock
Comments: 1
Kudos: 15





	Almost lover.

**Author's Note:**

> So, I've never written an A-Team fic before in my life and I've been working on this one for a while now. But I was too busy to post it. This is just a short intro chapter. 
> 
> I've been shipping Murdock and BA since I watched the series as a little girl, so for a long time.  
> BA isn't afraid of flying in this chapter yet, that will come later. Also, I don't know much about their time in Vietnam so I'm making most of this up as I go along. So it's slightly AU I guess. Face is an intelligence officer. They're already close friends, the four of them. 
> 
> I hope some of you will like this. I know it's not a very active fandom, unfortunately.   
> I'm not a native English speaker so forgive little typos ok. 
> 
> *A Huey was the name of a chopper that was used in Vietnam. I had to google that. I know a lot about the second world war but next to nothing about the Vietnam war so please don't kill me for any mistakes. *

_In the beginning._

Looking back on it now it was almost impossible to believe but when BA first met Murdock in Vietnam he actually wasn't half as crazy as he was today, post-war. Upon first meeting him, BA would have never thought that later in life they would regularly have to break Murdock out of the VA hospital for his insanity, thanks to the PTSD he got as a free present from that fucking war.   
No, Murdock was an odd, goofy guy, sure, a bit weird and unusual but in the beginning, there was nothing particularly crazy or insane about him. Well, aside from his initials that according to the pilot stood for _Howling_ _Mad_. Now, BA knew that couldn't be true, no momma called their baby boy Howling Mad.  
The H.M. had to mean something else but Murdock was surprisingly cagey about that, still insisting that he was telling the truth about his initials and argued that BA just didn't know how crazy Texan mommas could be. He constantly told himself he would ask Face to dig into his personnel file to find out but due to the constant combat missions he kept forgetting.  
After all, the war waited for no one. It consumed all, man, woman or child, young or old, American or Vietnamese. Like a sucking black hole in outer space. It took and took until there was nothing left.

BA had been really impressed with Murdock's intellectual skills, his improvisation methods and despite the fact that he would never admit it today, his talents as a pilot.  
Whenever Murdock flew the special ops team around during a mission BA felt safe. Murdock knew what he was doing. BA trusted him blindly.  
Over time, he found himself gravitating towards Murdock and orbiting around him nearly automatically. There was just something alluring about him, something mysterious and exciting that kept reeling BA in.  
They grew really close really fast and before BA knew what hit him he had somehow fallen hopelessly in love with the goofy captain.  
Murdock didn't seem to mind, in fact, he happily and boldly kept touching BA as he bombarded him with useless facts about Vietnam as if he was some overly excited tour guide, sometimes even throwing in a few Vietnamese words just to annoy BA.  
Murdock apparently spoke a lot of languages, including Chinese, Vietnamese, Japanese, Russian, Spanish and German. It was hard not to be overwhelmed by his intellect.

BA often found himself feeling quite stupid and uneducated next to Murdock, Hannibal and Faceman.  
He was the designated muscle of their unit but they were definitely the brains. He wasn't stupid, seeing how he could literally fix anything, varying from a truck to Murdock's precious choppers and he was street smart, which counted too, especially during lethal combat situations.  
But next to his friends he felt like an idiot sometimes. Not that they ever purposely made him feel like that, _thankfully_. They all respected and valued his mechanical skills and his bravery and made him feel like one of the team.

One night, when he was putting in some serious overtime thanks to a busted motorhead, Murdock suddenly dropped by just to bug him. Or so he _thought_.  
There had been a strangely mysterious glitter in his massive brown eyes, one BA couldn't place until it was too late and he had the tall, skinny captain already tethered to his lips, kissing him senseless until they were both totally breathless.  
BA should have seen it coming because Murdock kept lingering around him at every hour of the day to shamelessly flirt with him and annoy him. So in a way, a tiny part of him had half expected this and still, it coursed through his heart like a massive shock wave.  
When Murdock's soft, pliant lips had brushed over his he had felt his entire body spring alive and something hard and prominent in his pants to go along with it.  
He'd felt emotions and sensations that were totally new to him, which was terrifying on its own.

All he felt was Murdock, pulsating through his system, making his head spin until he saw stars and forgot his own name. Consuming him. Murdock was in his veins, literally. It was fucking terrifying as well as incredibly overwhelming.  
Kissing the goofy captain was totally addicting and shit, BA couldn't stop if someone put a gun to his head and threatened to shoot him. For some crazy-ass reason, he wanted Murdock more than he wanted air in his lungs. Before they could take it any further, however, and put his oil to some good use, they were rudely disturbed by some fellow soldiers who slid the door to the garage open.  
BA had barely managed an impromptu response but thankfully, Murdock had pulled back just in time, his chest still heaving and his lips swollen. The soldiers were none the wiser and Murdock left with a cheeky wink that only he and Face could pull off without looking stupid. "See ya tomorrow, big guy,"

BA hardly slept at all that night, his thoughts constantly going back to Murdock, to how warm and solid his body had been against his, to how his hands had roamed over his lower back, how his fingers had twined with BA's.  
And so BA waited for dawn in his bunk, hoping he could see Murdock asap so that they could finish what they'd started last night. But the following morning his goofy captain was nowhere to be found.

He asked Face about it, who claimed Murdock had left just before dawn, sent off on some highly classified mission. That happened sometimes, the higher-ups pulling him into dangerous shit because he was the best pilot on the base.  
BA stoically tried to mask his concerns and focused on fixing the shot up rotary of another bird. Stowing his shit deep inside in his head and not letting anyone know what was bugging him was his speciality.  
Face dropped by occasionally, to chat about the everyday things. Although he figured it was probably to check up on him. He had a nagging feeling that Face knew much more than he let on and that his emotions were not that well contained as he liked them to be.  
Hannibal asked him how he was doing five times that day, obviously not even trying to be as subtle as Face had been. As the gruelling hot day passed and the twilight crept over the jungle there was still no sight of Murdock and BA found himself pacing up and down near his bunk, trying not to scream.

Face was suddenly standing beside him, looking aghast and much paler than usual. He had a nasty habit of sneaking up on you, he threaded lighter than a damn cat. Murdock often joked that they should get Face a little cat collar with a bell for his ankle so they could hear him coming, take the element of surprise away from him so he couldn't scare them to death anymore. "Uhm, BA well I don't know how to say this but-"  
"Just say it, sucka," BA snapped, knowing damn well that he couldn't talk to a superior officer like that but he could care less at that time.  
"Murdock's bird is missing,"  
BA's heart fell out of his chest and the room started spinning. "What the fuck happened?"  
"We don't know, really. Now before you kick my ass for it, I'll have you know that my intel on the mission was one hundred per cent solid, all right! I gave the team all they needed to locate the troops and distract them safely. They just dropped off the radar and we lost all communications with them. I'm so sorry,"  
"You suckas lost comms with all five of them?"  
"Yes, sorry,"  
"Stop saying you're sorry! Sorry, ain't gonna fix shit. What are _you_ gonna do about it Faceman? How you gonna get him-I mean _them_ -back?"  
"We'll send a search and rescue team as soon as possible, obviously,"  
"Good, I'm coming and I want Hannibal leadin' it," BA growled, hotly.  
"I understand that but that decision isn't really up to me, BA you know that,"  
"Get it done, Face. You can get anyone to do anything, man. Trick 'em into it, scam them, I don't care what you do but you get Hannibal on that mission with me, you hear?"  
"I'll uh, see what I can do, sergeant,"

Face eventually did manage to get all of it done, not that BA ever doubted him and the following morning they left in pursuit of Murdock.  
BA had resisted the urge to riot at command for wanting to wait all night before they left but he knew better.  
Vietnam at night was lethally unforgiving and if they'd gone out after dark there would be another search party required to find them.

And so, BA suffered his second sleepless night, worrying sick about Murdock's whereabouts.  
Wondering whether he would ever see Murdock again or if he was dead already, or wishing he was. If the Vietcong had taken him they might torture him to death. The thought of seeing the innocence beaten out of Murdock's cheerful eyes was unbearable and kept BA locked into an iron grip, making it hard to breathe without feeling that iron fist clenching at his lungs.  
He'd checked Murdock's plane ( along with all the others like he did every night before he locked up ) personally before his mission so he was one thousand per cent sure there couldn't be a mechanical issue with it.  
And Murdock wouldn't crash it either, so the only horrible alternative was that it was shot out of the sky. Face had told him they lost contact about thirty miles away from their objective, which didn't bode well for Murdock and his team considering they'd landed deep into enemy lines.

That afternoon they finally discovered the crash site.  
The Huey had been mowed down, probably by an RPG and was lying sideways in the dirt. BA rushed forward, ignoring all his training along with his common sense and frantically searched the plane for any sight of Murdock. There wasn't though, there were just a few dead soldiers lying in their seats. Murdock's copilot was also dead.  
BA found a flicker of hope thanks to Murdock's absence, he must still be alive, but then again, being a prisoner of the Vietcong was usually a recipe for a lifelong trip to the nuthouse.

They surveyed the area for any trace of Murdock but came up empty-handed.  
BA stubbornly insisted that they kept looking, even as dusk settled in but Hannibal rightfully overruled him for the safety of his men, ordering them back to base. BA begrudgingly accepted after ranting for a while and sat on the plane with his trembling fists balled against his sides, struggling to withhold himself from punching a hole into the side of the bird. Murdock was gone and he was never going to see him again. Never.  
BA told himself that it had to be true. That he wouldn't come back. How could he? He was either a POW now or dead. BA wasn't sure which would be worse.

And it was just when he had finally accepted that new reality, five days later, when Murdock suddenly popped up again, resurfacing at basecamp looking horrific and bloody.  
BA had just gone to bed when Face snuck into the barrack to wake him up, shaking his arm insistently, scaring the shit out of BA for the thousandth time. "Hey, BA wake up, sarge! I can't believe I'm even saying this but Murdock's back,"  
BA shot up in his bed, all sleep and exhaustion forgotten. "What? How-"  
Face shrugged, the exhaustion from the sleepless nights giving him a haunted look that somehow made him even more attractive than he already was. "We don't know, he just suddenly stood by the outer gate, coming out of nowhere. The night guards spotted him about ten minutes ago. He hasn't said anything and he doesn't look very good, to be honest, and that's putting it mildly. You should go and see him, I'm sure he'll wanna see you,"  
"Where is he, lieutenant?"  
"Follow me,"

BA followed Face through the nightly monsoons into the medical tent and that is when he finally laid his eyes upon Murdock again, although, in hindsight, he really wished he hadn't seen him like that. BA would never be able to forget seeing Murdock all broken and battered, all the joy that usually resided in his warm brown eyes vanished like snows melted by spring. His uniform was shredded and looked as tormented as the man himself.  
He sat hunched onto the tarpaulin, his knees pulled up to his chest and his face resting on his bruised kneecaps as his empty eyes stared at the canopy.  
All that was left now was this eerily haunted look that told BA that Murdock had suffered something so horrible that he would never recover from it. There was not a part of Murdock's body that didn't look bruised or beaten up. He looked so fractured so frail that BA felt nauseating waves of bile rising in his gut at the thought of what those sons of bitches had put his pilot through. 

When he saw BA his eyes gleamed a little and his lips parted, like he wanted to talk but forgot how to. No sound came from his lips.  
BA surged forward and crouched down in front of Murdock. He automatically, nearly on instinct, extended his hands but when Murdock flinched retracted them quickly, not wanting to spook the haunting figure in front of him. "Murdock, oh boy am I glad to see you,"  
A tiny ghost of something resembling a smile seemed to appear on the Texan's face but it vanished as quick as it unveiled itself and BA wondered if he hadn't imagined seeing it in the first place. "What the hell happened to you out there? You okay?"  
Murdock shook his head and buried it against his knees while he sobbed uncontrollably. The elderly doctor that stood next to the examination table sighed. BA turned his focus to him. "What the fuck happened to him?"

The man pushed his glasses a bit further up his nose, looking rather apprehensive about what he had to say. Like he feared BA would punch him in the gut if he told him, that was normal, most people at base were afraid of him and his bad temper. "I wish I knew, sergeant, he hasn't said anything since we found him. I tended to his injuries and regrettably, there were several of those.  
I'm afraid that we can only guess as to what happened to him during his absence, not to mention how he escaped and somehow managed to make it back to base in one piece. He has a serious fever, a couple of broken or contused ribs-I can't be sure without an X-ray- some ligature markings on his back, bruises all over his body and they tore off his fingernails but other than that he physically seems fine,"

BA lost it and grabbed the idiot by his collar, lifting him up. "Fine?! Sucka, you call this fine? Does he look fine to you? Get the fuck out before I kick you out!"  
The doctor scurried off, not needing to be told twice leaving BA and Face alone in the tent with Murdock. "Hannibal's on his way, sergeant," Face whispered with his usual salving, measured voice, resting a slender hand to BA's bulky forearm. "Okay, hey can you leave us for a sec?"  
"Sure, I'll uh be right outside, waiting for Hannibal," Face announced as he turned and left the tent quietly.

BA grabbed his flask and handed it to Murdock, forcing it ungently into his grasp. Tender touches and comfort were not in his dictionary, unfortunately for Murdock. He had no clue how to deal with this, how to give Murdock what he needed when he felt terrified and alone. "Drink up, you need to stay hydrated. Remember what they said at basic training? Dehydration is a soldier's worst enemy,"  
Murdock did as he was told, still silent as death and drank. He gave the flask back to BA and sighed, wiping a tear from the corner of his cheek. "Do you wanna talk about it?"  
The pilot shook his head instantly, still unwilling to talk.

It drove BA insane to see him like that. When a man who had so much to say suddenly fell this still, the silence could be deafening. And yeah, he had annoyed BA with his blabbering, like a lot, constantly, but now that he wasn't talking his ears off anymore BA found himself missing it, craving for it. "A'ight, that's okay. You don't gotta talk. I'll just sit here with you if that's okay?"  
Murdock nodded, his eyes eerily hollow and absent. "We was all so worried about you, you know? We thought you was dead, especially when we found the shot up bird of yours. I thought-"

Murdock made a muffled sound, a strained mixture between a sob and a scream. "Billy," he blurted out. "Billy,"  
"Huh? What you talking 'bout?"  
"Billy," Murdock croaked again and he repeated the name three more times, testing all of BA's thin patience. Usually, he would have shaken Murdock up and down until he explained himself but he didn't dare to touch him, not until Murdock told him he could. He didn't want to scare him off. "Who's Billy, Murdock? Was he on the plane with you?"  
Murdock shook his head, repeating Billy a few more times.

The tent flap opened and Hannibal stepped inside, followed by Face. "Hey captain, it's good to see you in one piece. We've been worried sick about you. How do you feel?"  
"Billy," Murdock groaned, gesturing his arms around and folding them tightly around himself for comfort. BA noticed that he was shaking, which had to be his fever, considering the torturing levels of humidity. "You cold?"  
Murdock nodded miserably. BA took a blanket from one of the rags and laid it around Murdock, cautious not to touch him longer than he had to. The captain looked grateful but remained quiet.

"Who's Billy?" Face inquired.  
"No clue, he keeps talking about him, whoever he is. Hasn't said anything else yet, just Billy,"  
"Lieutenant, why don't you go find out if Billy was on the plane," Hannibal ordered.  
"I already asked, colonel, he told me he wasn't,"  
"Hmm, strange. Murdock, how did you escape and make it all the way back to base? Can you tell us that?" Hannibal inquired.  
Murdock was shaking his head again and when Hannibal parted his lips to question him further, BA stepped in to protect him. "Maybe we should leave him be, for now, colonel. He's been through enough, ain't he? I'm sure he'll tell us when he's ready, right Murdock?"  
Murdock shrugged callously, not exactly helping BA's case.

Hannibal studied him for a moment, obviously brooding on his own thoughts before he finally caved. "All right. We'll talk more in the morning. Get some rest, captain. Do you want us to take you back to your barrack or do you want to sleep here?"  
Murdock responded by pointing at the inside of the tent. "Okay, see you in the morning then," Hannibal turned to leave and Face and BA followed in pursuit. Just when BA wanted to step out he heard a muffled voice crying out his name. He strode back in and crouched down beside Murdock, peering deep into his distraught eyes. "Do you want me to stay with you?"  
Another nod. "We can all stay if you want," Face offered but Murdock shook his head. "Just BA then?" Hannibal confirmed, smiling mysteriously as always.  
Murdock nodded once more, face buried against his knees again. "Okay, sleep well guys,"

When they finally left BA sunk into the vacant spot on the tarpaulin beside Murdock, keeping his distance but aching to wrap him into a big hug, to try and make it all a little better, offer him some comfort he clearly needed.  
They sat there in silence for a long time and then Murdock started sobbing, soft and quiet at first but eventually picking up the volume as he wailed and tears were streaming down like rivers over his cheeks.  
BA's heart broke for him and he wanted to do more, give him whatever he needed to make it hurt a little less, but he didn't know what to do. He'd never exactly had a gentle streak. So instead, he sat there in silence and offered him sips of water against his fever from time to time, which Murdock dutifully accepted.

He picked up a spare blanket for himself and wrapped it around his own shoulders, the night wasn't cold but Murdock's wrecked state was like taking a freezing shower during a winter day. "I wish I could do somethin' for you, I _hate_ seeing you like this. I wanna make you feel safe but I don't know how or what to do. I'm not really good at this, the whole comfort thing, no scratch that: I'm fucking useless at this as you can see," BA blurted out, after a tense silence. Fuck, he was babbling like Murdock now, what the hell was happening to him?  
Murdock turned his head and looked intensely at him, his haunted chestnut eyes bearing into BA's as he slowly lowered his head to BA's shoulder and rested it there. It was only then that BA realized how bad Murdock was trembling.  
"Safe, BA," Murdock blabbered. "Huh, what do you mean?"  
_"You make me feel safe,"_

And that was that. The beginning of the end for both fo them. Five little words that turned BA's life upside down.

_TBC...._

**Author's Note:**

> So? Did you like it? I hope so. Let me know if you did, I'm one of those super insecure writers who can't create without feedback. I hope I portrayed them all right.  
> BA is hard for me to write, especially because I feel he didn't get much background info on the show. It was mostly one-liners and all that. Which was a shame but oh well, gives me more liberty to make up my own version of BA. 
> 
> And yup, we're diving a bit further into the whole Billy the dog, character. Murdock will explain later.


End file.
